Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Short and Sweet
I'm not an atheist, but I reckon organized religion has bugger all to do with God or Gaia or any Prime Mover or higher power. The fact is, organized religion is to God, what fan fiction is to Star Trek. It's not canon and, when you get down to it, it's just something people make up for themselves to fill in the emptiness when the Real Thing is on hiatus.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Ron Jeremy Rides the F Train
It was some time in the late 80s. I was in my early 20s. My mother and I were riding the F train into Manhattan. I looked across the train, and who should I see sitting on the other side, but Ron Jeremy. THAT Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy of porn fame and legendary proportions. I thought, "Fuck, why am I with my MOTHER, and not my friend Amy? Of all people to be with when I spot Ron Jeremy...my MOTHER. This takes all the fun out of seeing Ron Jeremy. Life is so fucking unfair. I see celebrities in NYC all the fucking time, but this is Ron Fucking Jeremy...I need someone to witness this with me, someone who ISN'T my mother."
Of course I wasn't about to tell my mother to look at the chubby guy on the other end of the car, and tell her that I, her little girl, had seen him in porn movies. Who the hell tells their mother they've seen porn films, let alone know the actors names? What would my mother think of me, her baby, talking about some porn star? No. Life was unfair, and I'd just have to face the fact that my Ron Jeremy spotting had been a huge letdown because I hadn't been able to share it with anyone.
The train got to East Broadway, and Ron Jeremy stood up and got off the train.
My mother leaned over and asked, very quietly, "That big guy who just got off the train - did you happen to notice him? He's walking on the platform, now - look at him."
As the doors closed and the train slowly pulled out of the station, I spotted Ron Jeremy walking towards the steps.
"Yeah, I see him." I answered.
"His name is Ron Jeremy," my mother said, "He's a porn actor. He has the biggest penis you have ever seen in your life."
One more example of my mother's awesomeness.
Get well, Mr. F. Train.
Of course I wasn't about to tell my mother to look at the chubby guy on the other end of the car, and tell her that I, her little girl, had seen him in porn movies. Who the hell tells their mother they've seen porn films, let alone know the actors names? What would my mother think of me, her baby, talking about some porn star? No. Life was unfair, and I'd just have to face the fact that my Ron Jeremy spotting had been a huge letdown because I hadn't been able to share it with anyone.
The train got to East Broadway, and Ron Jeremy stood up and got off the train.
My mother leaned over and asked, very quietly, "That big guy who just got off the train - did you happen to notice him? He's walking on the platform, now - look at him."
As the doors closed and the train slowly pulled out of the station, I spotted Ron Jeremy walking towards the steps.
"Yeah, I see him." I answered.
"His name is Ron Jeremy," my mother said, "He's a porn actor. He has the biggest penis you have ever seen in your life."
One more example of my mother's awesomeness.
Get well, Mr. F. Train.
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