Whatever: On National Coming Out Day

So, it's National Coming Out Day. I'm of divided minds about this. 

On the one hand, I think it's a little lame and that the whole idea of having a coming out day even further oversimplifies the whole thing. People who aren’t gay have this idea that coming out is something a person does and gets over with, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. There is no getting it over with. Coming out is something most gay people have to do over and over again, during our lives. We come out to parents. To friends. To neighbors. To nosy people who get it into their heads to fix us up with nice guys they know. To nice guys (and not so nice guys) who have other ideas. And, really the bad parts about coming out do not ever get any better. I mean, the words, themselves, are easier to say, but the feeling that the bottom might fall out from under my feet once I’ve spilled the beans to a particular person? That feeling has never gone away, and probably never will. Because there will always be assholes and bigots in the world. Because there are still lots of places where being gay can mean losing a job, losing an apartment, losing custody of one's children...even losing friends and family.

I'm annoyed by National Coming Out Day because I want coming out to be over and done with, once and for all. Because coming out over and over, again can be like pulling off a scab before a cut has fully healed. Who fucking needs it?


On the other hand...


Anyone who knows me or has read this blog for any length of time knows that my appreciation of Maureen Garrett runs deep and true. A fine, fine actress who really should have made the jump from soaps to the big screen, the way Julianne Moore (and so many others) did. Her long-term relationship with another woman was never a secret - lots of us knew about it. I've never met Garrett, and even I knew about it. But she, herself, never discussed it publicly - which was her prerogative. I have to say, though, as much of a cynic about this whole coming out business as I may be, it does my heart good to find out that Garrett has decided to officially come out and talk about her partner and their children.

Way back when, I had this idea that the writers at Guiding Light passed on what could have been a great opportunity when they had Garrett on hand for a short time. But, hey - who cares what they did or didn't do on a tv show? A television show may be the reason I know this woman exists, and how I came to appreciate her talent, but the real-life milestone she's just marked is so much more significant than anything Holly Norris could have imagined.

In spite of myself, I find myself appreciating stupid, old National Coming Out Day.

Hail, The Conquering Antiheroine

Long-time viewers of Guiding Light were granted a treat on August 26, 2009 - a return to Springfield by none other than Holly Norris (Bauer, Thorpe, Lindsay, Reade. I think I got them all.) For those of us who watched back in the early days of the Holly/Roger/Ed triangle, Holly's short return is both apt and bittersweet. On the one hand, how can any of us of say goodbye to Springfield, forever, without at least a glimpse of Holly? And, really, who better to talk to Olivia about the intoxicating power of tumultuous love? On the other hand, Holly's short visit reminds us of what Guiding Light has been missing for so long, and what could have been done to save this show years ago.

The Right Woman at the Right Time

Holly's sudden visit comes about on account of Blake reaching out to her mother - an act that helps remind us just how far Blake and Holly have both come over the years. Where once existed at best tension, at worst bitter resentment, now exists a healthy mother/daughter bond that sees Blake Marler calling on her mother for emotional support and advice. This isn't the Blake who schemes to marry Phillip Bauer for money and power, or the Holly who blurts out that she never loved her daughter. This is a mother and daughter who can be there for one another. This is a Holly who can probably be a friend to another woman - something she has never done successfully for any length of time. Enter Olivia. Is there any woman in Springfield more in need of true friendship and sage advice from someone who has been around the block, when it comes to the once-in-a-lifetime love thing?

Holly Norris 101: A Crash Course

In case you're wondering, "Who the hell is Holly, and why are all these heavily-invested, long-time viewers so damned excited to have her back for a few, measly scenes?", here goes:

When she first appeared on the scene, Holly was not long out of high school. She was an extremely bright young woman, who infuriated her mother - a single parent who had been abandoned by her husband years before - by deciding that entering college was not as important as tracking down her father and going to work for him. Stanley Norris was a cold, disinterested man. He gave his daughter a job, but didn't want her under foot, so he paid one of his employees to date her and keep her busy. That young man's name was Roger Thorpe. Can you hear the organ playing? I can. Because this was when and where Holly's troubled life really began - on the day she met her soul mate, who also happened to be the person who would present the greatest threat to her emotional well-being and, at times, her very life. If it sounds dramatic, that's because it was. Guiding Light's most intriguing on-again/off-again couple loved and hated one another. Their relationship was passionate in every way - the highs were sky-high, the lows were pure hell.

Roger and Holly's obsessive, unhealthy love for one another spanned nearly 30 years and included, among other things:

• A child
  
• Rape
  
• At least two shootings
  
• Kidnapping
  
• A return from the dead
  
• A surprisingly successful run as co-owners of WSPR
  
• Saving one another's lives on several occasions
  
• Truce
  
• Friendship
  
• Too many declarations of love to count
  
• A short-lived romantic reconciliation
  
• Betrayal
  
• A final, heart-breaking parting that confirmed the truth: they would always long for one another
  

With Roger Thorpe now really and truly dead, and the Springfield lighthouse about to shut down its beacon for good, the Holly Norris we saw on August 26 was the product of this roller coaster. Ed told her she looked "free", and her response was, "finally!" Yes, Holly, finally. Because, while I always rooted for Holly and Roger to find their way back to one another the truth was always that they were both prisoners of an obsessive attraction for one another...an attraction that was too primal and animalistic to ever result in anything but heartbreak and tragedy. They adored one another, they craved each other...but it was too much. For too many years it took over Holly's life, to the point that, when she wasn't obsessed with loving Roger, she was obsessed with hating him. And, really, is there that much of a difference between the two?

Holly, The Rumor Mill, and Otalia

A few weeks ago, Nelson Branco published the following blind item:

Which iconic daytime character was about to be revealed to be a lesbian but the network nixed the idea? Too bad — it would have made A LOT of sense!

Most fans guessed this item referred to a character on CBS' B&B. I suspect this blind item is about none other than Holly. Think about how interesting and fitting it would have been - Holly returning to Springfield in the best emotional shape anyone has seen her in since..well...maybe ever. She's come to terms with her demons, finally let go of her obsession with Roger. No one knows for sure what she's been doing or what her life is like, now. She runs into Olivia, with whom she had a short friendship once-upon-a-time. Olivia recounts her sad tale of once-in-a-lifetime love seemingly gone to pieces...and makes the big reveal: the object of her adoration, the cause of her current heartbreak, is a woman. Holly responds with, "Olivia, I'm gay."

Holly as a lesbian makes all the sense in the world. It would be easy for me to believe that, with the life-long obsession with Roger well and truly purged, Holly would find herself examining her history with other men, and realizing that, outside of friendship, relationships with men have never really worked for her. In fact, all of her relationships with men have been disastrous. Every time she's been involved with a man it's only been as a reaction to Roger and her undeniable passion for him. We watched for years as Holly went to Ed, because he wasn't Roger. She did this time and again, with different men - seeking them out to prove to herself that she didn't really need Roger in her life. She did this the way some self-loathing gay people seek out heterosexual relationships to prove to themselves that they're not queer. If Holly's miserable failures with men have been due, in part, to the fact that, outside of Roger, she hasn't ever really been attracted to men, it means that true freedom is a very real possibility for my all-time favorite antiheroine. We already know that Holly has finally, at long last moved away from the obsession with Roger, but what has she moved to? I vote for a healthy, supportive, loving relationship with another woman. A brand, new start. And a Holly who is living a free and happy life as a lesbian is just the person to walk in and give Olivia and Natalia's relationship the boost it so badly needs.

Holly as a happy, self-aware, secure lesbian would be the anti-Doris.

Now, I can't prove this theory - that Branco's blind item referred to Holly - but there is some evidence that points to it. Holly's conversation with Ed - was it just me, or did that seem to start off somewhere, and go nowhere? I got the distinct impression that there was some editing of the dialogue (and possibly the footage) going on there. The same holds true for her conversation with Olivia- it ended abruptly, at just the time where Holly could conceivably have been about to disclose. Also, rumors are that Maureen Garrett's stint on GL was cut down to one day due to her negative reaction to the show's difficult production model - something she was very vocal about in her interview with Mimi Torchin. The other glaring piece of evidence is Branco's blaming the network for killing the planned story. We already know CBS has time and again handcuffed the writers from moving Olivia and Natalia's story along. Is it difficult to believe that they'd squash plans to have one of daytime's most beloved characters come out as a late-in-life lesbian? My money says this blind item is all about Guiding Light and Holly Norris.

If I'm right, it's a real shame. Maureen Garrett is at least as strong an actor as Crystal Chappell.

A longer, deeper interaction between these two would have been a great gift for GL to give to long-time viewers like myself, who have real love for Holly, and know full well that Garrett is at her best when her character is bucking convention.

© 2009 Lana M. Nieves

Limited Licensing: I, the copyright holder of this work, hereby publish it under the Creative Commons Attribution license, granting distribution of my copyrighted work without making changes, with mandatory attribution to Lana M. Nieves and for non-commercial purposes only. - Lana M. Nieves