We've Come A Long Way, Baby?

I'm just old enough to remember a time when cigarette ads still aired on television. I'm also just old enough to remember when the phrase "women's lib" became mainstream enough for advertisers to pick up on it and recognize the "liberated woman" as a potential demographic for certain products that had traditionally been considered to be the domain of male consumers. One ad campaign that stands out in my mind is the one for Virginia Slims cigarettes.

The premise of the Virginia Slims ads - both the tv commercials and the print ad campaign - was that, among the freedoms newly liberated women could and should enjoy, was the freedom to smoke cigarettes. The print ads would feature two photos. The first photo would be a b&W or sepia-tone image, depicting an "old time" scene of a Victorian woman having to hide to enjoy a good smoke, and invariably being found out and publicly humiliated. The second photo would be a color image of a gorgeous, hip, fashionable, modern woman (usually a super model, such as Cheryl Tiegs or Christina Ferrari) openly enjoying a drag on a long, glamorous Virginia Slims cigarette. The campaign slogan? "You've come a long way, baby!"

A novel concept: consuming carcinogens and buying into the tobacco industry's big lie as a feminst statement! Was this really what the Women's Liberation Movement was all about? According to Madison Avenue, it certainly was.

Note: A whole montage of Virginia Slims TV commercials is available for free viewing and download. A must for anyone interested in advertising trends, marketing directed at women, and the media's tendency to get the whole point of feminism wrong every, single time.

Another Liberation Movement

On the weekend of October 11/12, tens of thousands of gays and lesbians descended on our nation's capitol to protest blatant, government sanctioned discrimination and make a profound statement: ENOUGH. We have had enough of waiting, enough of having to hide, enough of hearing about young queers whose shame has driven them to suicide, enough of gay-bashing, enough of paying our taxes and serving in the military and contributing to society and still being denied our civil rights.

Ever since the Stonewall riot, gays and lesbians in America have been staging a liberation movement. The march on Washington D.C. in early October was the loudest, proudest organized gathering of queers the nation has seen. It received widespread media coverage. A-list celebrities were on hand not just for photo ops, but to vocalize their support. America's gay rights movement has evolved from a handful of pissed off patrons of a local gay bar to a national phenomena. In this respect, we really have come a long way, and Madison Avenue started courting the Pink Dollar long ago. What, though, is the struggle all about? What freedoms are we really fighting for?

Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

Gays and lesbians have the attention of the mainstream media. If ever America were poised to hear what we have to say, and what freedoms we demand, that time is now. But what are these freedoms? As someone who identifies as both a lesbian and a feminist I know the freedoms I place the highest value on are about full inclusion and representation, official and significant recognition of my relationship, and protection under the law. I also place great value on the freedom to be out and proud, without fear of violence or recrimination.

I've known enough chauvinistic dykes to know that not all lesbians are feminists. I know it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. When I see the little bit of freedom and visibility the lesbian community has managed to secure being squandered on desperate challenges to a soap opera star to pose in her underwear, it kills me a little bit inside. Is this really what being an out and proud lesbian in 2009 is about? Begging a heterosexual woman to send a tweet, show some skin, play along and pretend she's a team player for just a little bit longer? Is this in any way different from the sleazy guy who shoves a dollar bill in the g-string of some down-and-out single mom, and reckons it buys him the right to cop a feel? If so, if this is what gay liberation is all about, then the only conclusion I can draw is that the Women's Liberation Movement and the Gay Rights Movement are mutually exclusive and cannot co-exist.

I refuse to believe this.

The Gay Rights Movement I'm a part of isn't any more about defending the rights of lesbians to act like twelve year old boys in their objectification of heterosexual women than the Women's Liberation Movement was about defending the right to become unwitting victims of the tobacco industry. Madison Avenue, Hollywood and network television will almost certainly cheapen whatever strides the gay and lesbian community makes. The idea that factions of the lesbian community seem more than willing to help them in this sickens me. The idea that factions of the lesbian community are so comfortable behaving in ways that the Women's Liberation Movement has rallied against makes my blood boil. This is true: people have died defending the rights of both women and homosexuals. To what end?

If this is what Stonewall has ultimately resulted in, have we really come a long way, baby?

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A Sign Of The Times

Several Y&R cast members were asked their opinions about the recent turn of events involving Eric Braeden, and resulting in his walking away from the pivotal role of Victor Newman. The comments were posted yesterday on soap website Daytime Confidential. For the most part, there were few surprises: long time cast member (and constant gentleman) Kristoff St. John exhibiting a fair balance of class and diplomacy, respectful newbie Daniel Goddard walking on eggshells so as not to rock the boat, fan favorite Sharon Chase providing a sane, rational assessment of the situation, recognizing that budget cuts do, indeed, need to be made, but stressing that they should be made wisely. The one truly shocking statement came from the most unlikely source, the cast member who is quite possibly the least qualified to pass judgement on another actor: Adrienne Frantz, who plays the role of Amber.

Here is what Frantz has to say:

"They are cutting contracts all around. I mean everybody has to bite the bullet. It’s not like anyone gets special treatment. If you don’t want to play fair with everyone, then don’t play. If you want to step out…. everybody is dealing with the same stuff. So if anybody thinks they are better than anyone else, then they should leave if they want to. It’s a cast. We are all working together. We are all working our hardest to make it go, and if you don’t want to work with everyone than you are not helping."

Really, Adrienne? Really?

Paying Your Dues

It's clear that Frantz has, in a fit of misplaced hubris, imagined herself on par with Eric Braeden. She clearly sees herself as his equal in terms of the effort she has put in to make Y&R a success, and overall importance in the show's #1 status. Someone give this self-important, delusional idiot a bang on the head with the Reality Stick. Better yet, sit her down and make her watch a few clips of Eric Braeden in action, followed by a few clips of her own "work", as she awkwardly stumbles over lines, muddles through ridiculous story lines that no one cares about, and generally ruins the landscape of Genoa City.

Even if Adrienne Frantz were the finest of young actors - say, an Elizabeth Hendrickson (Chloe) - comments such as these would be way out of line. In most work places seniority carries a certain amount of significance, and it's not because of age, but because of experience. The new guy on the assembly line would be remiss to try and tell the veteran how to do his job or how to talk to the foreman. The rookie cop, if he has any sense and decorum, doesn't walk into the squad room and criticize his commanding officer's attitude. The young soap actor - even the best young actor - does not walk onto the set of the #1 show and pass judgement on the veteran cast member who has fairly carried the show for over 20 years, and imply that she is his equal. Even the best young actor hasn't paid her dues and earned to right to pass such judgement in so public a fashion. If Jeanne Cooper wanted to make such a comment about Eric Braeden? Fair enough. Of course, fans of Cooper know that she is too much of a class act, too much of a professional, to even go there. But she could, if she wanted to. She's more than paid her dues and put in her time. Jeanne Cooper truly is Eric Braeden's peer.

Adrienne Frantz is no Jeanne Cooper. Adrienne Frantz is no Elizabeth Hendrickson. Adrienne Frantz is no Sharon Chase or Kristoff St. John. Adrienne Frantz isn't even a Daniel Goddard. Adrienne Frantz isn't much of anything. She's daytime's answer to Pia Zadora. Adrienne Frantz is a talentless, boring, annoying woman who has the screen presence of a test pattern and is about as compelling to watch as a PSA from The Emergency Broadcasting System. In fact, her voice and mannerisms are about as grating on the ears and eyes as the high-pitched EBS hum. Frantz' character on Y&R is an insult to women - a blonde bimbo throwback to the days when such stereotypes were acceptable. Her audacious comments about Eric Braeden shed light on how she even landed the role: she's clearly not acting like a crass, dopey, immature fool, she is one.

Grow the fuck up, Adrienne Frantz. What Eric Braeden expects and asks for isn't "special treatment." He wants and expects to be treated in a way anyone who has put in his dues deserves to be treated. If you think he's acting like a star, you're mistaken: he's not acting. He is a star. People tune in to watch Victor Newman - to find out what he'll do next. How many tune in and wait with bated breath to find out what Amber has up her sleeve? How many years have you lead Y&R to the number one ratings spot? And, if you think you win because you're still on the cast, while Braeden has walked away, you're an even bigger fool than I'd imagined. You're still around because you're cheap labor, and Sony has clearly decided to do away with the hand-crafted model of production, and move towards the unskilled-labor-in-a-sweatshop model of production. Eric Braeden is a skilled journeyman. You're some guy they picked up at a Home Depot parking lot who's working under the table.

For your viewing pleasure - the woman who will carry CBS' The Young and the Restless, once Eric Braeden is gone. Soak it in, and remind yourself that she's "working her hardest to make it go..."

Mad Men, Mad Times: Art Imitates Life

"It's makes me wonder about civil rights. Maybe it's not supposed to happen right now."

On tonight's episode of Mad Men, this was Betty's comment to Carla, the black house servant. They were discussing the 1963 bombing of a church in Birmingham that left four little girls dead. Four murdered children, and Betty's response wasn't about finding the murderer or drawing a line once and for all on hate crime and racism. Betty, an ultra-privileged white woman living the American Dream instead questioned if the time was right for "negroes" to get a little bit of equity. Maybe, the implication was, black America should just wait.

If this business of suggesting that the disenfranchised not make so much noise and piss off their oppressors sounds like a deja vu it might be because serendipity called for Mad Men to air on the night of the day that tens of thousands of gays and lesbians marched on Washington to demand their basic civil rights. It's also the day after our president, Barack Obama, made a speech before the Human Rights Campaign in which he spoke vaguely and without commitment about his intention to champion equal rights for gays and lesbians in the United States.

If you're anything like me, you found Betsy's "Maybe it's not supposed to happen right now" appalling, and all too familiar. By her twisted, privileged logic, those four little girls from Birmingham died not because of the murderous act of a cowardly bigot, but because of the black community's impatience. Betty believes in desegregation in theory but, really, how dare they expect equity a mere 100 years after the civil war!

This is exactly the sentiment Barak Obama puts forth every time he talks about his deep and abiding belief, in theory, in equal rights for gays and lesbians: sure, you queers deserve some satisfaction, but not right now...and the more you hem and haw about it, the more problems you're going to cause for yourselves.

When Obama says that he intends to do away with the military's Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy, but wriggles his way out of committing to a time line he's echoing Betty Draper's half-assed, not-in-my neighborhood brand of liberalism. In 2009, looking back at this logic in action in 1962 on a fictional television drama is appalling. Seeing it in action today, in real life, and from the leader of the most powerful nation in the world? Unacceptable.

© 2009 Lana M. Nieves

Limited Licensing: I, the copyright holder of this work, hereby publish it under the Creative Commons Attribution license, granting distribution of my copyrighted work without making changes, with mandatory attribution to Lana M. Nieves and for non-commercial purposes only. - Lana M. Nieves

Thank you to FlyingPeanuts for use of her photo.

Y&R part 2: What the hell are you doing?

In Y&R, CBS has the top-rated daytime drama, a huge and loyal following, an amazing cast, and writers who truly understand the genre and it's compexities. Writing for a show that airs five days a week, 52 weeks a year is vastly different than writing for the big screen, or for a weekly series. The pace is different. The level of relationship fans form with their favorite characters is different. In many ways, the daytime serial is as close to real time as drama can ever be. The writers of Y&R get all of this, and they mostly do a great job. At the moment, they're writing some of the best stuff seen on daytime in well over ten years.

So, what do you do when you've got a certified hit on your hands? A show that no one can even come close to, in terms of ratings or quality? Most people would pay attention to this success, try and figure out what the strongest assets are, and make use of them. CBS? CBS decides to mess with a good thing.

All Roads Lead To Victor

I know there are some people who disagree with me, but here's my take on Y&R: It's all about Victor Newman. Every relevant character, every story line worth watching right now, is connected to Victor. Take Victor out of the mix, and everything good about Y&R falls apart. Without Victor, there is no reason for Nikki to even exist. Without Victor, not one bit of Adam's story line means a thing and, in fact, Adam, himself, becomes irrelevant. Jack's sole reason for existing is his rivalry with Victor. Without Victor, Jack has no foil, Ashley has no great, star-crossed love, and Kay has no peer. Without Victor, Newman Industries becomes an empty shell, and Jabot, which only really exists to compete against Newman, becomes a ghost town. Without Victor, Michael doesn't have a client anyone gives a damn about, making both him and Lauren obsolete. Without Victor, Jack and Nick don't really have any differences, and are left with civility between them. Without Victor, Gloria has no one to grovel to, Paul has no one to constantly be suspicious of/work for. Without Victor, CBS' The Young and the Restless becomes a show where the main stories are Amber/Daniel/Kevin and some annoying art heist, Lily and Cain's boring marriage, Jill still acting like a petulant child around Kay, and Nick singing the 70s hit, "Torn Between Two Lovers.". That's it. Thats what's left if Victor leaves Genoa City.

I have no problem admitting that I love Victor Newman. He's the perfect soap opera character: a man who does terrible things, all the while believing he's being perfectly fair and just. He's a tyrant. He's a charmer. He's a controlling, egotistical son-of-a-bitch. I love him. He's been described as "the man every woman wants and every man wants to be." I don't know how true that is, but I do know that Victor Newman is the draw for many Y&R fans, including heterosexual men.

Soaps have long been the domain of women and gay men, but Victor Newman long ago made it perfectly acceptable for straight men to watch daytime television. I read a story, years ago, in Sports Illustrated, about a-day-in-the-life of the average NFL player. An integral part of the day for many NFL players, it turns out, is the hour set aside to watch Y&R. Players interviewed for the article pointed to Victor Newman as the reason Y&R was the show for them. Professional athletes who are fans of Y&R and Victor Newman include: Football players Boss and Champ Bailey, and Brett Favre, basketball player Patrick Ewing, and baseball players Dave Roberts, and Jim Rice.

Victor Newman is, in many ways, the glue that holds Genoa City together. And Eric Braeden is Victor Newman.

Daytime Suicide

If you had a certified hit on your hands, and there was good reason to believe that one actor was responsible for a significant amount of that show's success, wouldn't you treat that actor well, keep him happy, and do what needed to be done to keep him around? I would. CBS, however, doesn't seem to think this is the best tactic. What they've chosen to do, instead, is invoke a clause which allows them to renegotiate an actor's contract every 26 weeks, and insist Braeden take a significant pay cut. Is this legal? Definitely. Is it a respectful way to treat an actor who has made the network tens of millions of dollars over the years? No. Is it good business? Definitely not: where he was clearly expected to timidly agree to terms posed by CBS, Braeden has instead chosen to hold his own and walk away from Y&R and Genoa City.

If CBS was trying to force their strongest link to to break, they've failed miserably. Eric Braeden, it turns out, is a lot more like Victor Newman than anyone at CBS thought he was. This isn't some 20 year old cupcake with no talent, no experience, and nothing to fall back on. This is an actor who has made sure he's remained recognizable to a wide range of viewers through television and film work spanning nearly 50 years. His recent interview with TV Guide makes it clear that he is not afraid to speak out, and that paying him so little respect has clearly been a mistake on the part of CBS.

What the hell are you doing?

Seriously, who makes these decisions at CBS, and what the hell are they doing? Someone get this guy a noose or a bottle of pills - faster is better, when it comes to suicide. Whoever you are, making all these crappy decisions, I have a message for you: If you need to save some money, why not cut fat, instead of meat? Instead of fixing what isn't broken, why not look at some of the weak links at Y&R? What if, instead of demanding Braeden take a pay cut mid-contract, you just wrap up the art heist crapfest, and have Kevin, Amber, Daniel and Kevin's annoying wife leave town for good? Surely, getting rid of four younger actors that no one cares about or follows makes more sense than gutting the core of Genoa City by forcing the hand of the actor that so many viewers enjoy, and doing away with the character who serves as a crucial linchpin to so many stories that viewers do care about and follow. But, wait - why would you consider this logical move? You're the same guys who decided to destroy every ounce of good will Guiding Light created with the LGBT community - a significant demographic with tons of spending power - by neutering Otalia. It's clear that idiots are running the show at CBS.

FUCBS Redux

Fans of Guiding Light spent the summer repeating this mantra: FUCBS. It would seem the network is hell-bent on pissing off as many viewers as possible. Not satisfied with canceling the lowest rated soap - a show with a loyal following and a significant place in television history - they've aimed for a loftier goal: pissing off viewers of the top rated daytime drama. Well done - especially since CBS has ranked 8th in a list of major American corporations at risk of falling into bankruptcy. CBS, of course, vehemently denies they are in financial trouble. Why, then, would they even consider invoking the 26 week rule with their most popular daytime actor? Bankruptcy is clearly looming overhead, and no one in a position of power seems to have an ounce of common sense.

Unless there are further developments in the near future, Eric Braeden's final scenes air in early November. I've been a fan of Y&R since the 70s. After Braeden takes a bow, and it becomes the full-blown Amber Show (despite the fact that I have yet to meet a single Y&R viewer who can even stomach this character) I won't be watching, anymore.

Once again: FUCBS.

NOTE: As has been pointed out by a sharp reader, this should really be a FU to Sony, who owns Y&R and who Braeden, himself names as the corporation that has treated him so poorly. So, yes, FU SONY. But FUCBS, anyhow.

Next - Y&R part 3: Where are the strong black characters? Bring back Dru!

Y&R Part 1: This is How You Do It

This will be short and sweet (as opposed to part 2, which will be long and bitter), because the clip speaks for itself.

For a gazillion years, The Young and the Restless has held the top ratings spot for daytime. It's an excellent show with great acting, wonderful writing, great sets, fine production values, and a healthy respect for history and continuity. As I've written in the past, every episode of Y&R is like a mini movie. The sets, the camera work, the blocking, the high def, the sound track, the acting and writing - they're a winning combination.

Anyone who watched October 5th's episode was treated to a little taste of classic soap opera - soap opera the way it used to be, when soaps were truly great. Picture it: evil Victor Newman about to receive a heart transplant from the virtuous, young Colleen Carlton, whose death he is partially responsible for. Every major character in Genoa City is present. Three generations of Newmans and Abbotts. Kay Chancellor. Nikki Reade. Emotions run high. As the episode winds down to the last few moments, the old school Y&R theme begins to play. No dialogue. This is what a hospital set should look like. This is what tight editing looks like. This is what an umbrella story line is all about. This, people, is how it's done.

Next time - Y&R part 2: What the hell are you doing?

On Same-Sex Marriage: An Open Letter to Rosa Parks

Court dismisses suit by lesbian who couldn’t see dying partner at Hospital

Rosa Louise McCauley Parks (February 4, 1913 – October 24, 2005) was an African American civil rights activist whom the U.S. Congress eventually called the "Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement". On December 1, 1955 in Montgomery, Alabama, Parks refused to obey bus driver James Blake's order that she give up her seat to make room for a white passenger.

In 1960 four black freshmen from North Carolina Agricultural and Technical College in Greensboro strolled into the F. W. Woolworth store and quietly sat down at the "whites only" lunch counter. They were not served, but they stayed until closing time.

Dear Miss Parks:

Didn't anyone tell you that the seats in the back of the bus are identical to the ones in the front? That they're made of the same fiberglass and vinyl? That seats in the front have old pieces of chewing gum stuck underneath them, just like the seats in the back? That neither seat is particularly comfortable for your back after a long day's work?

Didn't anyone every tell you these things, Miss Parks? Didn't you know?

Someone must have mentioned it, but there you were, pushing your uppity self onto the bus and sitting right down in the front. In a seat that wasn't meant for you. In a seat that was meant for someone else. Someone who had a right to it. What could you have been thinking, Miss Parks?

And there's another thing, Miss Parks. While we're at it, I feel compelled to point out that the food served at the Woolworth's lunch counter was not all that, Miss Parks. Maybe, in fact, probably, there was some negro restaurant right there in Selma or Mobile or Montgomery that served better food than anything they ever even thought to serve at the Woolworth's counter. And I bet a person could get a better milkshake, too. Didn't anyone tell those young people that making a big stink over those seats at the counter was a waste of time? That there was perfectly good food to be had in the colored section of town? Why, then? Why sit down and demand to be served? What did they have to gain?

President Obama opposes same-sex marriage, but supports the idea of civil unions that provide same-sex couples with the same rights as marriage. Let's ignore the fact that civil unions do not, in fact, provide same-sex couples with the immigration protections and privileges that heterosexual couples enjoy, or that a little something called Social Security is a federal program which does not recognize civil unions. Let's not even get into the 1,100+ federal programs that pertain only to male/female couples who are legally married, and not to people in civil unions. Let's ignore the lie about civil unions being almost exactly like marriage in every way. Because, you know what? Even if that were true, "almost" is not good enough, anyhow.

Let's instead, think about another right. Maybe voting. How would it be if one group (I don't know, white men, maybe) had always been denied the right to vote ? And then, as a concession, the new president stated that he felt white men should have all the same basic rights as everyone else, except, techincally, for the right to vote. Let's pretend that, instead, the new president would like to set it up where white men could "opinionate" on election day. In other words, when all the rest of the world was voting, white men could stand on line to "opinionate." Their votes wouldn't really count, in terms of really swaying anything. And the rest of the world would still be the only ones allowed to actually vote. In all other ways, though - standing in line, getting into a booth, having confidentiality - in those ways, voting and "opinionating" would be exactly the same. And when white men had kids, if their kids were boys, they'd have to tell them that, one day, when they were old enough, they could, of course, "opinionate", but not vote. Because voting was for everyone else. For girls. And black people. And Hispanics. God, after all, wants it that way, they'd have to explain. And, really, "opinionating" is almost exactly like voting. Would that feel very nice? Would it be fair? Would that tiny difference in rights seem irrelevant and insignificant? Would it be fair to say that the little white male child who has just found out he can never vote still has all the same opportunities as every other child? That he can still dream and hope for the same things?

I don't think so.

The minute a person - child or adult - finds out that there are very real limits, due to discrimination, to what he or she can actually hope to achieve in life, things change.

I did not grow up dreaming about marriage. Lots of people do, though. And they should be allowed that dream. Even if they're queer. Liberal straight people, who don't want to find fault with the presidential candidate they fawned over in so many shows of political correctness, liberal straight people who are still basking in the self-congratulatory afterglow of the inauguration love to spew the neat, little lie that civil unions are exactly the same as marriage, and every bit as good. And then most of them run out and get married. Funny that!

And really, how dare anyone say it's not a big deal, or that civil unions are almost exactly the same as marriage, or that gays are making a big deal over something irrelevant. Especially a mixed race president - the product of a marriage that, not so long ago in American history, would have been illegal.

How dare anyone who enjoys a privilege take it for granted in such a cavalier way, when others hope and pray for that same, basic privilege to be theirs before they die. When thinking about why the right to marry is important to same sex couples in America, think about Miss Rosa Parks. Civil rights pioneer. Warrior. Stroppy woman.

On December 1, 1955 in Montgomery, Alabama, Parks refused to obey bus driver James Blake's order that she give up her seat to make room for a white passenger. Later, recognized as the mother of the American civil rights movement, she noted,

"People always say that I didn't give up my seat because I was tired, but that isn't true. I was not tired physically, or no more tired than I usually was at the end of a working day.....the only tired I was, was tired of giving in."

Getting a seat on the bus was not what the greater civil rights movement was about in America. Getting a husband or wife isn't really what the gay rights movement is about. Miss Rosa Parks didn't care about that seat on the bus - that front seat that was almost exactly like the back seats. She saw the bus rules as a festering symptom of a greater systemic injustice.

Those seats in the front of the bus were not all that comfortable, and they were made of the same stuff as the seats on the back of the bus, but you sure as hell wouldn't tell that to Miss Rosa Parks. Nor should any of us have the audacity.

© 2009 Lana M. Nieves

Limited Licensing: I, the copyright holder of this work, hereby publish it under the Creative Commons Attribution license, granting distribution of my copyrighted work without making changes, with mandatory attribution to Lana M. Nieves and for non-commercial purposes only. - Lana M. Nieves

Dorian Lord: Gay For Pay

Lesbians, many of them, at least, are up in arms about the revelation that One Life To Live's Dorian Lord will be pulling a Jack Tripper and pretending to be gay in a bid to win the mayoral seat in the mythical town of Llanview, Pennsylvania. The writers of OLTL, in fact, will be going whole hog: Dorian will have a faux lesbian wedding. While I have only sporadically followed OLTL during the last 8-10 years, I was a devoted viewer for more than 20 years and, as both a lesbian and someone who has followed several of Dorian's escapades, I find this plot twist not the least bit offensive. In fact, I find it amusing. What's more, I think it's perfectly fitting with who Dorian is.

Dorian

I've heard from several people that a devious and deceitful move such as feigning homosexuality is "out of character" for Dorian. I have to wonder if the folks making such observations have any idea who Dorian even is. Not only is this plot twist totally in character for Dorian, it's far from the lowest she's sunk. There are few depths to which Dorian won't lower herself, especially when she expects to gain power or/or money as a reward. If she has an opportunity to cause problems for Vikki Lord in the process? All the better.

My earliest memory of Dorian is of her withholding medication from her ailing husband (Victor Lord - an elderly, dying man she married for money) in an effort to hasten his death and cash in on a huge inheritance.

In later years, Dorian:

• Falsely accused David Renaldi of pushing her down a flight of stairs,
• Blackmailed Jenny (Llanview's long-suffering saint and an ex-nun, for heaven's sake),
• Faked paralysis,
• Concocted a plan to set up Sloan as a rapist,
• Attempted to destroy Victor Lord's corpse to avoid prosecution for the murder she believed she'd committed,
• Hired David Vickers to produce the famed "forged diary",
• Seduced Vikki's son, Joey, merely to torture her arch enemy,
• Blackmailed Drew,
• Replaced her sister, Melinda's, anti-psychotic medication with a placebo, to keep her from revealing the truth about their father's death,
• Committed insurance fraud (that whole necklace thing),
• Concocted a frame-up to make Rex appear to be a heroin addict,
• Paid Brody to claim to be Shane's father,
• Secretly plied recovering alcoholic Charlie with alcohol and drugs, to thwart Vikki,
• Hired someone to stalk her own daughter,
• Hired a hitman to murder Ray, and
• Pretended to be a Buddhist in order to get David Vickers, who she believed to be the Buchanan heir, to marry her

What, I ask, about this woman's history would make anyone think that feigning homosexuality in order to win the votes of homosexual voters would be "out of character"? The fact is, Dorian is a borderline sociopath. There is almost no limit to how far she'd go to get ahead. Gay for pay? Why the hell not? Not only will it help her win the mayoral election, but her opponent is none other than Vikki Lord - her long-time rival.

Dorian is and always has been a gloriously over-the-top character who can be counted on to do what no one on a soap opera has done before, or will do again. (Do any of us foresee another soap character pretending to be Buddhist, in order to get their hands on a fortune?) Not only would Dorian go gay-for-pay to get ahead, but there's nothing particularly surprising about her taking such a step.

"But, Same-Sex Marriage Is A Serious Issue, and ABC is Making Fun Of It!"

There's no question that the proposed right of same-sex couples to legally marry is a serious issue. I do not take this issue lightly. In debates about OLTL's gay-for-pay story line, I've been accused of not understanding the "gravity of the same-sex marriage debate" and not "getting the issue." Not only do I understand the gravity of the debate and get the issue, but I have been actively involved in lobbying for the rights of same-sex couples for several years. In fact, I was invited by the New Zealand Parliament to testify and make a case in favor of the Civil Union Act, as the Act was being debated on a national level. In many ways, I consider this bit of civic engagement my finest moment. (NZ's Civil Union Act passed into law in 2004.)

I get it. I really do. I also get that this story line poses no more threat to the same-sex marriage movement than Dorian's death row story line posed a threat to either side of the capital punishment debate.

Dorian is a character. Her actions don't represent the opinions of OLTL's writers, or of the ABC brass. As with any serial drama, there are good guys and bad guys on OLTL. Dorian falls somewhere in the grey area - she's mostly awful, but most of us love her, in a sick and twisted way. Spoilers about this story tell us this: Dorian will feign homosexuality and engage in a fake lesbian wedding in order to woo the LGBT vote. It's something Dorian would do, but it doesn't mean anyone is saying it's something people should do. In fact, I'm willing to bet money that Vikki will have a lot to say about how insulting Dorian's ruse is to same-sex couples who really, truly struggle with the fact that they cannot really marry (Llanview is in Pennsylvania, a state which does not recognize same-sex marriage.) I'm also willing to bet that Dorian's gay-for-pay scheme will backfire. She will not, in the long run, benefit from this ruse.

If Dorian's faux lesbian wedding is an example of ABC making fun of the same-sex marriage debate, then her faking paralysis must have been ABC making fun of disability. Her posing as a Buddhist must have been ABC making fun of eastern religion. Her frame-up of Rex must have been ABC making fun of heroin addiction. Nonsense. Dorian has never, ever been presented as the heart and soul and voice of Llanview. If any character has enjoyed this distinction, it's been Vikki - a character who would never make light of disability or religion or drug addiction or sexual identity. (Now, Nikki? That's a horse of a different color. All bets are off, when it comes to Nikki Smith.)

"It Stinks of STUNT"

Yes? And??? Of course it stinks of stunt. Because it is a stunt. OLTL is a soap opera. Soap operas are rife with stunts. This is a bad thing...how??? Dorian's gay-for-pay lesbian wedding is almost certainly as much a stunt as Frank and Natalia's wedding-that-wasn't or Olivia and Natalia's "my two mommies" kiss on Guiding Light. The entire pre-production promotional campaign for Crystal Chappell's Venice is one, big, beautifully managed stunt. How can the very same people who love the Venice stuntfest possibly point judgmental fingers at OLTL? If you think that tantalizing disappointed Otalia fans with the promise of a Crystal Chappell/Jessica Leccia kiss "within the first 30 seconds" of Venice isn't a stunt that preys on lesbian hunger for intimacy between two actresses who have become lesbian icons, we really should meet. I've got some prime real estate, spanning from Downtown Brooklyn to Lower Manhattan, that you might just like to purchase.

Know this: there are no real "leaked spoilers." Nothing makes it into the soap magazines and internet columns by accident. We know about Dorian's gay-for-pay story line because someone at ABC made a decision to release the information. The "leak"? It's always the first part of any good stunt. And this has the potential to be an excellent stunt - one with humor, drama, controversy and, ultimately, comeuppance.

"I Can't Believe Robin Strasser Would Agree To This!"

Believe it. Robin Strasser is a consummate professional, and professional actors act. A few months back, I wrote about an actor who stormed off the set of Y&R and refused to perform scenes in which his character kissed another male. His behavior was totally unprofessional. If Robin Strasser did the same thing regarding this story line, her behavior would be just as unacceptable. If Strasser doesn't care for the story line (I have no reason to believe that this is true), it won't be the first story line she hasn't been crazy about, and I'm certain it won't be the last. However, Strasser is a class act. Of course she'll act these scenes: acting is what she does. She's not a petulant child. She's an actor with a reputation for always giving it her all.

Anyone who expects Robin Strasser to take some kind of stand and refuse to take part in this story line should then be prepared to hear about Strasser losing her job because, just last month, OLTL fired an actor who refused to take part in a story line which called for her character to be gay-friendly.

The Bottom Line

One Life To Live has long been known to go to extremes. Time travel. Hidden, underground cities. Forgotten childbirth. Fictional blood types. Visits to hell. Gay-for-pay? Sounds like one of the more grounded story lines to take place in Llanview, to be honest. That it's the ruthless, power-hungry, plotting Dorian at the center of it is what makes it deliciously campy.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes a story is just a story. If we want gay and lesbian issues to be part of the soap opera landscape, we might want to celebrate the fact that OLTL is planning to feature an election story line where the power of the gay and lesbian vote is actually acknowledged. When was the last time you heard about that on a daytime drama?

Cast Off : Why Otalia is a Failure

To so many of us, the town of Springfield, USA seemed to be inhabited by flesh-and-blood friends, and not fictional characters. Since we live in a society that always wants to know "why?" and "how?" - so much so that there's practically a CSI for every city, discovery Channel has explored the "murder mystery" of King Tut, and we even know what that poor Iceman ate for dinner before he died - it's fitting we follow through with Otalia the way we would with the demise of any friend. In other words, now that Guiding Light has breathed its last breath, the time has come for a postmortem.

The Shape of Things

Otalia was meant to be an old-fashioned love story - the sort of story soap operas excelled at in their heyday. There's a formula to such stories, and it goes like this:

1. Boy meets Girl
2. Boy and Girl dislike each other intensely
3. Circumstances force Boy and Girl to be together for prolonged periods of time
4. Antagonistic banter ensues
5. Antagonism gives way to civility as Boy and Girl each secretly realize that they are attracted to the other
6. A crisis arises forcing one or the other to blurt out a climactic "I love you!"
7. Boy and Girl kiss
8. Boy and Girl make love for the first time in some significant setting
9. Boy and Girl become celebrated couple in the community

If we're talking about not just a couple, but that rarest of pairings - the Super Couple - the formula has some added elements:

• Outside forces/circumstances work to prevent Boy and Girl from pursuing a relationship
• Outside forces/circumstances actually force Boy and Girl to be physically/geographically apart for a period of time
• Boy and Girl overcome numerous barriers and hurdles, and beat the odds in order to be together
• Boy and Girl enjoy widely celebrated reunion
• Repeat as necessary

That's it. That's the classic formula for a successful coupling. If one were to change the pronouns to "Girl 1" and "Girl 2", we would have the story of Otalia:

1. Olivia and Natalia meet when Natalia gets a job as a chambermaid at The Beacon.
2. Because of Olivia's aggressive efforts to snag Gus (Natalia's fiancee') and overall bitchiness, the two women dislike one another, intensely.
3. Olivia's illness -both before and after her heart transplant - force the two women to begrudgingly spend inordinate amounts of time together, and even move in together.
4. They argue and spar on a regular basis.
5. As a true friendship develops, Olivia and Natalia each secretly come to love one another.
6. On the day of her scheduled marriage to Frank, Natalia forces the issue with Olivia, inducing her to blurt out the now-famous, "I'm in love with you!"
7. {INSERT KISS HERE}
8. {INSERT LOVE-MAKING HERE}
9. In the future, Olivia and Natalia are a couple, like any other couple hanging out in the park with the rest of Springfield

Knit One, Purl Two

I'm not much of a knitter, but I know what it means to inadvertently drop a stitch. I know that dropping just one stitch can cause the piece one is knitting to unravel. Just one stitch, and the whole thing comes apart. It's that precise, knitting. Every stitch builds on the next, each one carrying its load in terms of maintaining the integrity of the finished product.

Imagine knitting a scarf for your best friend. Somewhere in the middle, you drop a stitch. Observers point it out to you: "Hey, you dropped a stitch!" You ignore them and keep knitting. More observers point out the dropped stitch: "No, seriously - you dropped a stitch. It's coming apart. Fix that thing before it's too late." You get to the end of your knitting project and hold it up to get a good look at it. Running right through the middle is a wide, ugly run. A scarf is a simple knitting project. You still have time to go back and fix your mistake. You can pick up that dropped stitch and still save the scarf. You decide not to. You put the scarf in a box and wrap it and hand it to your best friend on her birthday. She opens the box, holds up the scarf, appreciates your hard work, and the fact that the scarf will keep her warm. In private, she scrunches up her nose at the ugly run, and can't help feeling that you've been sloppy and lazy in your knitting. One little snag, and this scarf will fall apart. Your friend knows this, and you know this. At the end of the day, your knitting project is a failure - a failure as a knitting project and a failure as a gift.

Writers of a story arc such as Otalia follow a predetermined formula, just the way knitters follow patterns. The writers of Otalia dropped a stitch and, instead of going back to pick it up - the way any good knitter would do, the way any good writer would do - they just kept writing, even as the Otalia story line unravelled and formed a wide and ugly run in the overall fabric of Guiding Light.

7 and 8

At this point in time, and for the purposes of this postmortem, talking about CBS or Ellen Wheeler or Jill Lorie Hurst is pointless. The bottom line is this: the story of Olivia and Natalia started out as a beautiful love story. It had all the elements of a classic soap opera romance. It even had the potential to venture into Super Couple territory. All the pieces were in place, but a stitch or two were dropped and never picked up.

Stories about people falling love are only truly engaging and satisfying when protagonists explore what it means to be in love. For two adults in the 21st century, a significant part of being in love is physical intimacy. Hell, this was true in the last century. It's been true since the beginning of time, even if it wasn't openly discussed or expressed. Today, though, literature and film and television most certainly do discuss and portray varying levels of physical intimacy between characters. It's part and parcel of relationship storytelling. A romantic relationship story doesn't ring true if there is no physical manifestation of the love two characters share.

In the Otalia story line, the 7th and 8th steps of the storytelling formula were ignored, completely. Even as we viewers waved our arms and pointed out the dropped stitches, the writers kept going. They kept building a story even as the story behind them unravelled. What started out as a touching, realistic love story with momentum and forward-moving trajectory became static and phony. Otalia failed us in the worst possible way: it started out with great promise, and it ended up in bland mediocrity.

Olivia and Natalia were pretty to look at. The chemistry between Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia was palpable. The build-up to their love story was a thing of beauty. The performances - especially by Chappell - were often breathtaking. In the end, though, the de-sexualization of these characters turned Otalia into just another failed attempt at cashing in on the last vestiges of lesbian chic. A stunt. It was as much a stunt as Madonna kissing Britney Spears - except without the kiss. It was pretty to look at, and it tugged at our heart strings and made us hope that this time someone would get it right but, in the end, it was just a stunt. Where Otalia could have been groundbreaking - the depiction of same-sex love that set the bar for all future same-sex story lines - it has done just the opposite. This was not, at the end of the day, a story about two women who fall in love and enjoy a healthy, adult relationship, complete with physical intimacy. Natalia might have said that she didn't intend to give up any of "the things that people in love share," but she did. Instead of setting a high bar, Otalia takes us two steps back, to the idea that fagdom is okay as long as no one has to actually see it or think about it. Melrose Place's Matt Fielding lives!

By neutering Olivia and Natalia, the writers of this story dropped a stitch. They had ample opportunity to go back and pick up that stitch. Olivia and Natalia should have kissed at the spa. They should have kissed when Olivia returned from San Francisco. There should have been at least an implication of sexual activity during all those hours spent alone at The Beacon. There were dozens of opportunities to pick up that dropped stitch and save the integrity of this story, but this effort was never made.

We were promised a luxurious Pashmina. What we got was a pile of pretty yarn.

Goodbye, Old Friends

9/18/09

I hate to even type this date. After 72 years on radio and television, Springfield's beacon has shut down, and Guiding Light is no more. Having watched and followed this show for over 30 years, seeing it end is like losing an old and dear friend. No, it's like losing a whole bunch of old and dear friends. Tears were shed, even as some parts of the final episode were a disappointment, and others a complete puzzle.

Otalia

They should have had one kiss. Sorry, but it must be said. Yay for the girls being together, and happily, but there should have been a kiss.

I loved the scene of Natalia and Olivia sitting at the table, Olivia talking about how the happy ending isn't supposed to be hers, and how she can't believe she actually got everything she wanted. Olivia seems like a friend to me. I've been rooting for her pretty much since she first came on the scene - even when she's been soooo wrong about things. I couldn't be more glad to see Olivia get a happy ending if she were a real person.

I know some people were angry at the naming of Natalia's baby. I'm not. First off, Francesca is a really good name. Second, Frank is, after all, the baby's father. Naming the baby after Frank is no less fitting than if they'd named her after Natalia. And, keep in mind that Natalia suggested naming the baby Ivy Olivia - now that would have been walking a little too far on the side of fantasy. Francesca has a father and two mothers. Of the three parents, it was Olivia who got to name the baby, which is significant. She chose a good name (ok, I admit to being partial to Francesca because it's the name I chose for my niece, and my sister actually went with it...but I digress.) She chose a name that honors and acknowledges the fact that the baby's father is part of the baby's life. One can also look at it this way: too many people have this crazy idea that lesbians are trying to be men or replace men, or that we hate men. Some lesbians do hate men. Most don't. If we couldn't have an Otalia that was edgy enough to kiss on screen (heaven forbid!!!!) at least we have an Otalia that has bucked several conventional ideas about women in same sex relationships: we don't hate men, we aren't trying to be men, we don't hate heterosexuals, we don't always couple up in butch/femme pairs, we quite often lead very traditional, family-oriented lives.

But, really, people, they should have kissed.

Rafe

He's a douchebag with a uniform. I will never be ok with the fact that Guiding Light portrayed a homophobic bastard as a hero. No matter how much I love this show, and how much joy it's given me - this will never be ok, in my book. I'm actually more ok with the whole "let's just have Jeffrey do some pretty damned nice things for Olivia and pretend he never raped anyone" ploy, because that's basically damage control after the fact. With Rafe, the writers didn't even do any damage control. They set up Rafe's homophobia, beautifully, as a conflict, but they never resolved it. A simple apology and admitting he was wrong would have gone a long way. The writers couldn't bother. Who cares if he spit all over a whole segment of society? What's the big deal about him condemning his mother and telling her she was going to hell? For this I don't blame CBS. Blame for this incredibly irresponsible (and sloppy) bit of story-telling lies squarely with the executive producer and the writer. This situation could have been remedied in under 75 words:

"I'm so sorry, Ma. I'm sorry about the terrible things I said. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me. I don't really understand what it is that you and Olivia are doing, but I'm going to try my best to just support you the way that you've always supported me. I just want you to be happy."

Um, that took me one minute to come up with. The writers had over a year to figure out how Rafe's reaction to Otalia was going to play out, and they fucked it up, royally.

Phillip and Beth/ Rick and Mindy

I was hoping against hope that Mindy would show up and wind up with Rick. It would have been too awful to leave poor, dopey Rick with no one. Long live The Four Musketeers!

I loved Phillip's revelation that he is now the oldest Spaulding living in the Spaulding mansion. I remember you when you were practically still a boy, Phillip Spaulding! I also loved Beth's little nod to Phillip's literary past - giving him the journal and suggesting he start writing took me back to Phillip and Beth reading poetry to one another, a million years ago, when they were first falling in love.

Alexandra and Fletcher

Sweet that Alex got to do something and be with someone, and moving to see her say goodbye, because that was really Marj Dusay saying goodbye to Guiding Light. I've enjoyed the closeness between Alex and Phillip during the last two weeks. I'd begun to think the writers had no idea how much Alex has always adored her nephew. In so many ways, Phillip has been more like her son.

Reva and Josh/ Edmund and Jeffery/ Jonathan and Sarah

Don't hate me, but I found this to be pretty awful. I am so over Josh and Reva and, HELLO - Jefferey is still alive. It think they forgot to tell Bradley Cole to come in for the last day of filming. Or maybe the writers got home after the last day of shooting, with that nagging feeling that they'd forgotten something. To turn off the iron? To leave water for the dog? Oh, shit! We forgot to finish Jeffery's story line!

Why did they even start the whole Edmund "murder" mystery, if there was never any intention to solve it? Are we to believe that, a whole year later, Jeffery still hasn't had any luck in killing Edmund? Isn't he some sort of secret government operative? And, yet, he can't shoot the broad side of a barn. We never found out who it was that Dinah murdered. There's actually no rhyme or reason for any of this. Edmund is supposed to pose this huge danger to baby Henry, Sarah, and just about everyone in Springfield (although it's kind of difficult to figure out why he'd bother), yet a year passes by and no one has been killed or kidnapped or anything? Who cares?

Still and all, it made me weepy when Josh and Reva drove off in the pick-up truck. It reminded me of H.B., and I loved H.B.

Is Sarah on reverse SORAS pills? We skip ahead a year and baby Colin has aged, Natalia and Olivia have a baby who looks to be a few months old, even stupid Remy and Chistina's baby is the right age. But Sarah is still the same size? Stupid. If I cared about the whole Sarah/Jonathan/Lizzie thing I'd be annoyed. I don't, so I just find it stupid and funny.

Reva and Olivia

This was pure win. I love it that Reva got a crack in about Olivia finally finding someone who could handle her. I am really going to miss these two characters so much! We haven't seen old Reva in ages. This was a glimpse of her, but softer. It made me happy.

Blake and Frank

Awww. That was sweet. I thought Frank Dicopoulous was really good in the bridge scene. He hasn't had much of a chance, in the last year, to play just normal, nice Frank: a pretty damned good guy, who deserves a break. I felt we got that Frank back in the final episode. I loved it that he so comfortably mentioned Francesca having two mommies in the flash-forward scene. Unlike Rafe, whose conflict is never resolved, Frank's journey from "What exactly are you???" to "She's in love with you, Olivia" to "In the grand scheme of things, our situation isn't that bad" to "I thought you ladies could use some help moving" has been realistic and satisfying. He was never going to fall instantly in love with the idea of Natalia jilting him, especially not when she jilted him for Olivia, of all people. Because he is (one last time, people) a good man, though, he's come around. Family has always been the most important thing to Frank. In many ways, the flash-forward scene is all about Frank and Olivia: two people who never, ever got the happy endings, finally getting their turn.

Remy and Christina

Wow. So furious precious time was wasted on these two again. Those minutes could easily have been used to give us some quality Emma/Olivia/Natalia/Francesca time. Or a really good Phillip/Beth scene. Or anything besides Remy and Christina. A photo is in order.

Odds and Sods

• I'm really sad that Maeve Kinkead wasn't around for the very end. Vanessa and Billy had no screen time together after the wedding. I love Vanessa, and I don't feel as if we've had a proper goodbye.
• The whole Dinah/Mallett and Shayne/Marina thing is awful and is best ignored.
• I really wanted Dinah to at least phone her mother, as Vanessa asked her to. It would have been nice to have that bit of closure.
• Daisy and Ashlee: I dig Ashlee's pseudo hippie look at Berkeley.
• Daisy and James: cute.
• Ashley and Doris: Cute, but a little bit of a letdown. I wanted more Doris.
• Buzz and Lillian: so adorable together in the flash forward scene.

Goodbye, Springfield. Thanks for the years.