In Puerto Rico, and Brooklyn - the two places my grandmother called home - it is already June 1, her 100th birthday. My grandmother, Celina Pacheco, isn't with us anymore. She died in 1991, after an ugly, but thankfully short, decline into dementia. If you knew Celina, you knew that dementia was the worst thing that could happen to such a brilliant mind. She was a thinker. A keeper of memories. A storehouse of history. She was the greatest storyteller I have ever met, and I've known some pretty amazing storytellers. She had a quick wit, a sharp tongue, an infectious laugh, and a big, generous heart....especially when it came to children.
Celina had 9 children - all of them planned, all of them spaced out in two year intervals, and she mourned the loss of a tenth child who didn't make it to term. She loved motherhood, and she adored grandmotherhood. Children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren, she raised children almost until the day she died. She was good at it. No, she was fucking GREAT at it. If it's true that anyone is born with a natural calling, my grandmother was born to care for babies, nurture young children, and guide tweens and teens into adulthood.
If some genie were to appear and ask me to choose between a million dollars and one wish, I'd take the one wish. My wish would be one more day with my grandmother as I remember her, when she was at her best. Drinking coffee, riding the subways of NYC all over the five boroughs to visit childhood friends, scratching my back, telling wonderful stories about her admittedly bratty childhood, arguing with my grandfather - who she'd known since childhood, and who she adored, always. And, if I had that day, I'd tell Celina the things I never got around to telling her when she was alive: That, if there's any little thing about me that's like her, it must be the best thing about me. That I consider it an honor to have been loved, nurtured, and raised by a woman with such Mana. That it makes me sad my nieces and nephews never knew her. That not a day has gone by since 1991 when I haven't thought about her. That I never knew I could miss anyone as much as I still miss her.
A while back, I responded to the WLS list of greatest women on soaps list with my own list. Last week, WLS completed their list of greatest men. Again, the results are somewhat controversial. Again, fans are responding. Equal time for the men. I must note, however, that soaps have long been the domain of women. IMO, there have been more strong, interesting, talented women on daytime than men. This isn't to say that there haven't been some truly great male actors in the genre but, the truth must be told: the genre has, for the most part, been one that caters to a female audience interested in seeing their own lives - and their own fantasy lives - portrayed. These lives - and fantasies - are not always about girl-meeting-boy, or women needing men in order to succeed. Note, though, that so many of the men I've chosen have as a benchmark of their greatness, their ability to work well opposite their female co-stars. I'm not sure a male actor can attain greatness in this genre if he doesn't have what it takes to work alongside women as his peers.
Here, then, my list of the greatest male actors of daytime drama:
Michael Zaslow - I've definitely got a bias, and I freely admit it. Zaslow was the best in the business. Charismatic, commanding, but also subtle and vulnerable, Zaslow's Roger Thorpe was the stuff of soap opera legend. I don't know that any two actors in daytime have matched the chemistry shared by Michael Zaslow and Maureen Garrett - chemistry that was as palpable in the 90s as it was 20 years before, when they first started working opposite one another. Something about his portrayal of Roger Thorpe always broke my heart, even as Roger behaved like a monster. Inside of that monster was a vulnerable boy, and Michael Zaslow knew how to make just a little bit of that boy come to the surface. Zaslow's death left a void in the genre that many of us feel has never been filled.
David Canary - Canary did the seemingly impossible. AMC's Adam and Stuart Chandler couldn't have been more different, and Canary not only made each character three-dimensional, immediately recognizable, and attractive in very different ways, he did it consistently for 20 years. Brilliant. Adam and Brooke? One of the best couples, ever. Brownie points to Canary for his stint on AW. Who else but Canary could have stepped in to play AW's bigger-than-life Steven Frame after so many years of absence?
Larry Bryggman - An actor's actor. Bryggman has never had matinee idol looks to fall back on. With him, it's all about delivering a great performance, every single time. What more is there to say? Put him on the screen with Elizabeth Hubbard and I dare you not to watch.
Michael Levin - An Italian among Irish, Michael Levin's Jack gave Ryan's Hope a bit of a cynical edge. Always dependable, always likable, and just so damned real. When Mary Ryan died, we believed it, because Levin never let us forget it. He worked wonderfully with Kate Mulgrew and, once she was written off, his performance was often about her absence...not for a month, but for years. Ever the heart-broken widower, when the doors were shut on Ryan's Bar, it was a joy to see Levin's Jack get a happy ending, at last.
Joel Crothers - My earliest memories of Crothers are a hybrid of Somerset and Dark Shadows, but it was on Edge of Night, as Doctor Miles Cavanaugh, that he found his niche. Incredibly handsome, charming, warm and human...he was just a natural in front of the camera. An actor who was well aware that he'd probably be muddling through a lot of crap in between truly great scenes, but who never gave less than 100% of himself. Nancy Barrett, Tina Sloan, Holland Taylor, Sandy Faison...it didn't matter who his female counterpart was on screen...he was at his best when he worked opposite women. Some actors seem as if they're waiting for their next line. When Crothers shared the screen, he always seemed to be in the moment, listening just as we were. Like MIchael Zaslow, Joel Crothers was taken from us too soon. I was fortunate enough to meet Joel about a year before he passed away he was just what you'd expect: warm, friendly, charming, and with a big heart.
Gerald Gordon - Lots of this blog's readers are too young to have seen or even heard of The Doctors. Your loss. If you'd been around in the 70s you would have caught the great Gerald Gordon as Doctor Nick Belini. Unlike every other television doctor of the day, Nick Belini was gruff, a street kid who'd made good. Gordon never, ever played Belini as a Doctor Kildare clone. He was edgy. Good-looking in an off-beat way, ruggedly masculine, and irresistible to women. If George Clooney and House had an ass-baby, it would be Nick Belini. Of course, he managed this about 40 years before either of those TV docs was even an idea. And Nick's female counterpart? Doctor Althea Davis, played by none other than the great Elizabeth Hubbard. During an era when soaps were relatively tame, Nick and Althea were all about heat.
Stanley Kamel - You know his face from dozens of television shows and movies. Columbo. Hill Street Blues. Star Trek. His final role was on Monk. He was one of those "Hey, it's that guy!"s. To me, Stanley Kamel will always be Eric Peters, the handsome rake who strolled into town after his brother, Greg, and raped Greg's fiancee'. Kamel's Eric was intense - when he spoke you wanted to get in closer and hear what he had to say. His run on the show lasted only a year but, all these years later, it's still with me: the way he toyed with Susan months after the attack, and her never suspecting that he had been her attacker. Those scenes, which were part of DOOL's heyday, were remarkable. Two fine actors (Kamel and, as Susan, Denise Alexander) meshing and making the moment real and true. It's still chilling to think of how good they were together.
Honorable Mention
Benjamin Hendrickson - A great actor whose only reason for not making it to the main list is the fact that I never much cared for Hal Munson. Hendrickson's Hal was one of only two believable cops I can think of on daytime (the other being Another World's Gil McGowan.)
Justin Deas - Yeah, Hendrickson and Deas both actually belong on the main list. So, shoot me. From Ryan's Hope to ATWT to SB to GL, Deas has always delivered the goods. People who only know him from the annoying last couple of years of GL may find it difficult to believe that he belongs here, but he does. Forget latter day Buzz Cooper - when Deas has good material, he sets the screen on fire. And seriously - Keith Timmons.
Contrary to popular belief, I named and started this blog long before anyone said anything about a freaking superhero. (My oldest entries have been purged for personal reasons.) In fact, the blog's name has nothing to do with anything with that line of dialogue. Superhero Lunchbox refers to a project I've had in the works for years - a series of lunchboxes depicting my real-life superheroes: my grandmother, my mother, the women who have inspired me and helped shape me. Superheroes.
I come from a big family. I have 16 first cousins. I know all of them. We never needed outside friends, because there were always more than enough cousins to play with. B was always the best of all our cousins. Having been abandoned by her parents at a young age, B lived in our house. While our grandparents were B's guardians, my parents also took her under their wings. When we went to the movies, B came along. When we went to the beach, B was with us. At Christmas, there were presents under the tree for B. She was always more like a sister than a cousin. The best big sister anyone could dream of. B was the most fearless kid I'd ever seen. She'd jump down a whole flight of stairs, pick herself up, dust herself off, and walk away. We used to joke that she should become a stunt woman. B loved anything physical, and preferred to cartwheel her way down the block, rather than walk it. When a large group of cousins got together - sometimes 7 or 8 of us at a time - we'd often play "I dare B to -." I never saw her refuse or chicken out on a dare. She's taste anything, make any prank phone call, steal anything from any shop, ring anyone doorbell. She'd also squeeze herself into the tightest spaces, climb anything, and hold her breath for a ridiculously long time. When she was 9, my sister was 8 and I was 5 she concocted the most daring plot, ever: a seemingly fullproof plan to sneak down at night and unwrap every gift under our grandmother's Christmas tree, find out who was getting what, and then re-wrap them without leaving a trace. The plot, of course, failed. Children are not great at rewrapping gifts. But the story has become the stuff of family legend. Once, B got hit by a car and ended up with a broken arm. Do you remember how cool it was to have a cast when you were a kid? This clinched it - she was absolutely, positively the coolest person any of us knew.
When I was a kid, B was my personal Superhero.
In August 2008 B was diagnosed with stage 4 brain and lung cancer, and given four months to live. In typical fashion her response was, "Dying? Get the fuck out of here." Four months turned into six months turned into almost two years. Two weeks ago she had a grand mal seizure and was induced into a protective coma from which it was questionable if she would ever wake up. She did wake up. She woke up and spoke and asked for food, and tried to walk and asked when she could go home. She ate milk duds and drank a chocolate shake. We spoke on the phone. I told her I loved her. I told her she was my sister. I told her I wanted to see her. She said, "I love you, too, baby. Yes, come visit." I had plans to cook up a big, New York style Puerto Rican feast - the sort of food she can't get in Los Angeles, and take it down with me. Food, after all, is how my people show affection. Two days later, as I made travel plans, she fell into a coma and became completely unresponsive. The amazing medical team at Cedar Sinai told her son that there was nothing else they could do, and that the end had really and truly come. They said the time had come to move B to a hospice. B's brother - my cousin, P - refused. He didn't want his sister dying in a strange place. He moved her to his own apartment, where a hospice nurse is stationed. When I spoke to P he said, "I won't have her die alone. I'll be with her every minute. I won't have my baby sister die with strangers." B is 47 years old.
Tonight I'll fly down to L.A. How does one say goodbye to a Superhero?
When I was a kid, whenever the news reported about some Puerto Rican guy shooting someone, or we'd hear about a family member in trouble with drugs or the law, my dad would say, "Damn it - sometimes I think we're our own worst enemy!" I know how he felt.
While the queer community makes noise about Prop 8, the Tea Party assholes, DADT, Obama, and a million other injustices, it keeps missing one very important point: sometimes we're our own worst enemy. Sometimes, the bad guy isn't a conservative talk show host or a liberal apologist, a self-righteous straight person, a hospital administrator, or a religious zealot. Sometimes the enemy is the gay boy next door who lacks compassion. Sometimes it's the lesbian who, given the opportunity to make a statement about the way the media portrays us chooses, instead, to perpetuate the myth of lesbians as angry, damaged, co-dependent losers. This week? This week our worst enemy is AfterEllen.com, the website that's supposedly created an online community for lesbians.
What, besides providing a messy, badly designed, poorly written online place for lesbians to get news, share ideas and chat about The L Word has AfterEllen.com done? I mean, it's an annoying site, but it's fun and harmless, right? Wrong. So wrong. This week AE unveiled their Hot 100 list because - hey, if straight guys get to objectify women, why shouldn't lesbians? And, really, being a lesbian really is all about women drooling over other women, and not a hell of a lot else. (And, before you send me emails about how the Hot 100 list is chosen based on so much more than looks and sex appeal, keep in mind the whole thing about the Miss America pageant being a scholarship competition.)
What's so bad about AE's Hot 100 list, you may ask? What's so bad is that it's not a list, it's lists. Plural. One list consists of out lesbians. One list consists of women over 40. The third list? WOMEN OF COLOR. That's right - there's a separate list of minority Sapphic hotness!
Why is this offensive, and why does it make me say that AE is our worst enemy this week? Think about it: when you make a list of hotness, and a separate list of ethnic hotness the implication is that one is REGULAR, and the other is, well, OTHER. According to AE, white is right and brown is a fetish. Way to go, AfterEllen.com - George Wallace would be proud of you!
As a "woman of color," I cordially invite the women of AfterEllen.com to kiss my fat, brown ass.
She's the pinup queen of the new millenium. NYC's IT girl. Fun and fabulous and always at all the best places because wherever she is BECOMES the best place to be. She's von Hottie. You've spotted her at the slopes in St. Moritz, rocking a fake fur over her bathing suit. You've seen her strolling along the white sands of Miami Beach - how does she do that in heels??? Now, you can see her on Empire, where she's playing - what else? - her fabulous self...and sending the world of the Havens into a tailspin of scandal. How did the web soap score such a casting coup? I learned from none other than von Hottie, herself, who made time between public appearences to fill me in on her latest project. Fun-loving and full of laughter, I can't imagine anyone not being taken with her.
LN: First off, I have to tell you how much I love your work. You're the anti-Paris Hilton. What you do is just so fun and lovable.
vH: Good! Fun and lovable are exactly what von Hottie is supposed to be.
LN: I watched the video clip on your website - the one filmed at Coney Island. I loved it. For one thing, that's one of my favorite places in the world. But I also loved people's reactions to you.
vH: We filmed that for Current TV, and were also shooting pictures for the pinup calendar. It's funny - we were by the Freak Show, and I guess I expected them to be happy to have us there, maybe invite us in. The opposite was true. At first I felt bad, because the people on the boardwalk were all so into von Hottie. Then it occurred to me that they're in the freak business, and we were probably stepping all over their territory.
LN: When Sam (our mutual friend) sent me a message asking if I'd be interested in interviewing von Hottie, I thought for sure he was having me on. I think I told him I was holding out for an interview with Karen Black - I really thought he was joking.
vH: Sam and I were having cocktails and he said he had a friend who'd probably like to interview me. Next thing I knew he was tweeting away, and than taking our picture to send you.
LN: I demanded proof. I think I'll post that photo on my blog, if it's ok with you.
vH: Definitely post it! So many beautiful things happen over margaritas.
LN: So, I just watched the most recent episode of Empire, and it was a riot. How did you get involved with it?
vH: Brian Hewson (Empire's writer, along with Greg Turner) and I lived together a while back. Actually, Brian gave me cable. When we moved in together he couldn't believe I didn't have cable, and he had a whole list of shows that he regularly DVR'd, so he set me up with cable service. Once I got it, it was impossible to stop watching tv. I was also in a play that Greg wrote. Brian and Greg are more invested in their television viewing than anyone I've ever met. They're passionate about the programs they watch.
LN: Without giving anything away to people who haven't seen this episode, I'll just say that you end up in a compromising position at the end of the episode. Something we would never see on network television. How did that come about?
vH: Brian called to say that he was planning an epsisode that would end with a celebrity scandal, and he wondered if von Hottie could be the celebrity caught red-handed. I was definitely into it. There wasn't a script for that section yet, and Brian at first talked about the scandal being a celebrity caught snorting coke. I wasn't into that. Drug abuse isn't what von Hottie is about. So we worked on different ideas. Someone had the idea that von Hottie would be caught giving some guy a blow job, but that seemed like such a cliche'. It's been done to death. And then we realized that we had the perfect opportunity to do whatever we wanted to do. This is the internet - we can do things that won't ever get done on network television. We added the cut-out to make it into a sort of threesome, as a tongue-in-cheek commentary on the narcissism of self-made celebrity, and also an homage to Marilyn Monroe. She said something like, "Men want to go home with Marilyn, but they don't want to wake up next to Norma Jean."
LN: The cut-out is the funniest part of that scene, in my opinion. Was it fun to watch the episode, yourself?
vH: At the wrap party this past weekend they screened all of the episodes. It was bizarre because it went from high drama to bizarre comedy. I loved watching it with a bar full of people. When that last scene was over, this old, French guy at the bar leaned over and said, in a thick accent, "Good for you!" I think he wanted to invite me to the bathroom.
LN: Of course I noticed when you were first mentioned on Empire - I think it was the first episode of the season, and Orlagh Cassidy's character sees your column in a tabloid and refers to you as a hussy.
vH: They put my name on the front cover of the tabloid on the show, and then we actually did get into Soap Opera weekly, which was so exciting.
LN: Will we see more of you on Empire?
vH: I won't be acting in any more episodes this season, but my presense will definitely be felt. Of course, there might be a sort of Betty White effect, where the public demands more von Hottie in season 3.
LN: I may just have to start a Facebook group. How familiar were you with soap operas before getting involved with Empire? Had you ever watched?
vH: When I was in high school, I used to rush home to watch General Hospital with my stepmother. I loved it. That was during the Luke/Laura/ Lucky era. But then my favorite character, Stone, died of HIV, and I was inconsolable. I couldn't watch anymore.
LN: And you say Brian and Greg are the most invested television viewers you know?
vH: It's true, I've been pretty invested, too. The annual nurse's ball on General Hospital has been a great inspiration to me. I remember one birthday party, where I planned costume changes midway through. My stepmother thought it was a bit much, but I got the idea from the nurse's ball and I stuck with it.
LN: I'd almost forgotten the nurse's ball! My partner is a nurse - I'm pretty sure she'd throw up if I told her about the nurse's ball. You know, a hospital set is the one thing Empire doesn't have. Most soaps have some sort of medical story line. Maybe they need a hospital.
vH: Or they could just have a doctor. Maybe the guy who played Stone on General Hospital.
LN: You said before that you were excited when the scene with Orlagh made it into Soap Opera Weekly. I imagine you get recognized a lot on the street.
vH: I'd like to say it happens every day but, in reality, it's happened maybe five times. von Hottie is more about creating the illusion of global fame.
LN: And these days, that's completely possible. So many people who are famous are famous for no reason other than that they've decided to be famous.
vH: Yeah, and bringing it back to Empire, it's the same thing. Sort of like good, old American ingenuity. If someone like Brian and Greg wants to make a soap - they make a soap. I love that.
LN: Like this blog. I'm amazed when I write something and then find out that like 500 people have read it. I don't even know 500 people - but soap fans and bloggers are, for the most part, really nice and generous. They're cool about posting links to stuff they find on the web.
vH: Oh, that's really sweet, that you all watch out for each other. It seems there's this enormous community of soap fans who are losing the thing they love.
LN: I found out about Empire because Roger Newcomb at We Love Soaps promoted it a lot. Once I watched it, the thing I liked about it right away was that it was clearly written by people who love soap opera. I almost get a sense of that "let's put on a show" spirit from a Judy Garland movie. Network soaps are dying, but guys like Brian and Greg are putting on their own show.
vH: Absolutely. And it's the internet, so they can have as much making out as they want!
LN: I know! I love it that we see Cain and his boyfriend making out just because that's what couples do.
vH: Television has had some stuff like that, shows like The L Word. But usually it's all dramatic and stuff. I love tht the gays on Empire just make out because it's what couples do. I appreciate the making out. Brian and Greg have these online viewer polls to find out what people want, and that's what they want - more making out.
LN: Which, believe it or not, is a big deal. Empire is sort of the little soap-opera-that-could, because they're doing what networks couldn't or wouldn't do. Even in 2010, soaps pretty much always flake out when it comes to showing gay couples. So, yeah, your friends are doing something really significant when they include all of that making out.
vH: Hopefully more people will produce more content like this that does stuff the television people won't do.
LN: I'm not going to take any more of your time, but we've got to have drinks next time I'm in NY.
vH: Definitely.
LN: And I'm going to start that Facebook group. More von Hottie in season 3.
