Tuesday, May 12, 2009

An open letter to Josh Lewis



Dear Josh :

It's time someone had a good heart-to-heart with you, because you're really a good guy. Yes, Josh - this is going to be about Reva. 

I don't know if you've noticed or not, but Reva is married to someone else, now. She's got a  new baby that isn't yours. You and I know full well that you can only act like the friendly, supportive ex husband for so long. Who are you trying to kid? You and Reva will never, ever be just friends. It doesn't work that way. Not with you guys.  And, Josh? Believe me when I say that this is not a matter of me pulling for you and Reva to get together. To be honest, I find you and Reva a little, tiny bit tired and boring as a couple. I think that whole cloning business left a bad taste in my mouth but, to be honest, it's so much more than that. I've never, really understood how you could even want love and intimacy with a woman who has been married not only to your brother, but to your late father. That's kind of disgusting.  And - don't take this the wrong way, but - are we entirely sure she hasn't hooked up with young Bill, at some point? I mean, she has this thing about needing to have sex with every Lewis guy, unless he's her son. By my estimation, that leaves Bill ripe for the picking. 

But I digress. I'm writing about you and Reva, not Reva and everyone else. Here is what I think: you either need to move in on the whole Reva and Jeffery thing and just pull the rug out from under them, or you need to never darken their doorstep, again. It really is that black and white. It is not realistic or healthy for you to think that you can be a pal to Reva and Jeffery, even while you harbor some unquenchable thirst to drink Reva down whole like so much funky cowboy Gatorade after the SuperBowl. Because that's how Reva is meant to be taken - not in smalls ips, but in big, old, take-a-dive-in-and-drown gulps. And, when it comes to her, you're an alcoholic.  So, make a choice. Turn away forever, or do the inevitable: move in for the kill. Reva has to be all or nothing in your life, or you don't have a life. Make up your mind, make a decision, and then stick with it. Are you The Man in Reva's life, or are you not in Reva's life? Those are the only choices you have. 

Sincerely,

Snapper

PS: The whole pastor thing? Not working.

1 comment:

perpetualblyss said...

Snapper,
I just got to reading this one. Hilarious!! I just laughed really loudly and hard at the Reva/gatorade analogy.

Josh is no angel when it comes to familial relationships either. the marriage to Cassie was tragic. Shayne women are poison for Lewis men.

For God sakes I hope the GL writers let Josh/Reva die. I know they won't because there are too many people who want them to get back together but i really think that train has left the station.